It seems as though I have been telling myself ‘just one more month man, just one more week, and just one more day’ for almost a year now… just one more month until my next appointment, just one more week until my next refill, and just one more day until my next treatment… just one more day until I am on my way back to being healthy.

Well... I am getting tired of living from appointment to appointment. And realistically, I can’t keep this up for much longer.

Being injured and unable to live even the simplest existence has made remaining positive a little difficult. I have been patient, positive, and optimistic about a number of less than effective treatment plans…. I have also been impatient, negative, and skeptical about almost everything at times as well. Although I am incredibly happy with my progress and thrilled with the timely treatment plans put in place by my physiotherapist and those who work for the Kingston Orthopedic and Pain Institute… I am struggling to keep everything together.

I would be lying if I said that I lived in fear of not knowing when or where my back is going to seize or if I wrote about how I waste hours of my day worrying about if I will be able to make it through the day at work or not… But, every now and then that description is my life… and it is stressful.

I have planned a come-back, a life without MMA, and everything in between. Right now I am unsure of what I want. I would love to fight again; I would love to be able to feel those lights one more time. But… first and foremost, I need to be able to function without medication, I need to be able to work, and I need to feel healthy enough to be able to sign a lease without worrying about finances or subjecting my roommate to this rollercoaster ride.

I bailed from work yesterday because of a serious muscle spasm in my back… aside from that, things have been going relatively well for me physically. Thursday I am going back to KOPI to get some nerve block injections… hopefully this procedure will bring me a step closer to being healthy.

Just four more days until my next…

It is slowly becoming harder and harder for me to walk through the front doors at work and not feel like a ‘has-been’.

And even though every day that I walk through those doors varies in terms of class structure, clientele, and potential workouts… I find myself talking about the same things over and over again… I find myself telling the same stories about how I used to travel, how I used to train, and about how I used to fight professionally.

Having said that… I am trying to stay away from medicating myself and freeing my heart and soul from the numbness that I have inflicted upon them…. I am trying my best to stay on track and concentrating on the gains that I have experienced in my personal and physical life as of late.  

I started working with a physiotherapist a few weeks ago and have noticed an incredible change in both my physical and mental state. I am able to move my legs and lower back in ways that I couldn’t have imagined three months ago… I am able to train lightly, teach class, and live a reasonably normal life. And even though every now and then I experience a lapse in my physical condition and mental judgment… over all, I am in a better place.

Tomorrow morning before I have to punch in at work I am going to go meet with a specialist at the Pain Management and Solution Center in Kingston. My physiotherapist and I are confident that I will be able to return to professional competition by continuing treatment and getting a few cortisone injections.

I am ready to be healthy again.